A Little About Background and Children

I've been following Isabela Granic's blog, Child of Mind, since she started it. Originally it was focused on developmental psychology as it pertained to young children and sleep training. Then she opened it up to a co-author and a much wider discussion of other developmental issues relevant to parenting young kids. Recent topics include discipline, how children affect family dynamics and the parents' relationship, developmental snapshots of certain ages, etc.; all of these seen through the lens of developmental psychology, and more often than not supported with lots of science. It's a great resource, so I encourage all parents to check it out! (And I came there through Ask Moxie, which for some time has served as a sort of virtual village hut where parents, okay, mostly moms, can huddle together and offer wisdom and reassurance to one another, and be honest about the difficult parenting times when one thinks "I can't do this" or "I'm going to throttle that child" or "I think I might die if I don't get some sleep" or whatever. Another wonderful resource.)

Given her science-based approach, I was delighted and surprised to see that she broached the topic of religion the other day, beginning here and continuing here. Scientists, like journalists, seem to often feel culturally obligated to maintain a myth of objectivity, as if they have no personal opinions or values. In the literature, I suppose that makes sense, but Granic breaks that "fourth wall" a lot in her blog. Although it's a blog that often mixes the personal with science, I think it still takes guts to do so; especially when, mixing my metaphors, she's touching the "third rail" of religion (and mixing it with parenting ... yikes!). But let me hasten to say I think everything she is saying is wonderful. She makes it clear where research stops (fairly early on, in religion) and where her personal thoughts start. And the more we talk about religion and hear what everyone else thinks, the better. From the scientific perspective, it is essential to identify gaps that need to be explored. From the personal perspective, I'm interested in the questions she raises about what our beliefs are and how they're transmitted to children. I also love that her commenters have remained so open and civil, despite ranging all over the board. There's even an Episcopalian who sounds just like me!

I wrote a comment on the first post and thought I would put it down here as well, since it encapsulates my background and that means I won't have to do it again. I'm lazy like that.

I said:

I love ritual and tradition, and also have a deep need for spiritual thought and experience. I don't what I think about God. I don't have that feeling like some people do, that I *know* God is out there or that a God loves me, but I also think science (ironically) and critical thinking lead me to believe in something Other. Especially asking, where did the universe come from, and why did it start at one time and not another? For me science and religion are not mutually exclusive. However I'm not sure there's any psychological science I'm dying to see regarding religion, because people will hold the beliefs they do, and act on them accordingly, regardless of what psychology says the consequences are.

Since my teens I'd identified as pagan, because my God, such as it is, is immanent (present in all things), and I find spirituality in nature. I spent a long time trying different Unitarian churches. I liked their politics but it drove me nuts that they wouldn't talk about God, or morality, or values. Just this past year I discovered the Episcopalian Church and it's been a revelation, so to speak, for me. I've been attending and participating regularly.

For me Christianity and its scripture are not at all literal beliefs but deeply metaphorical. I take a much more historical viewpoint--a la John Dominic Crossan and Marcus Borg. From that angle, I really value its lens on morality, radical inclusion, wisdom, etc. I believe that anything that's lasted so long has something valuable to say, take comfort in the traditions from so long ago, and enjoy its strong connection to our cultural history.

Until she got too wiggly, I took my now-10-mo-old daughter to church and enjoyed having her blessed each week. I've never taken my 3-y-o son. He's too rambunctious for services and my husband prefers to spend time with him at home on the weekends rather than have him in church school. But I'm also highly hesitant to have him exposed to religious teaching while he's at such a literal age. At the same time, I was raised very agnostic and I regret not being raised with some kind of faith in the Other; I think it's much easier to acquire at a young age than at an older age, bar some startling religious experience.

I am now approaching my personal deadline for baptizing my daughter and it's causing me a lot of internal debate. We held a pagan baptism at home for my son and I thought it was really special and individual--people gave him all kinds of wishes corresponding to the four elements. Now I'm thinking about a church baptism for my daughter, but I'd miss the at-home version; and if I do have her baptized, should I have my son done too? Lots of questions, and no answers yet.